If there is anything I have learned over the past few months, it would be that love may be a two way street, but you can only worry about and take care of your side of the street. Project your love for the other side to see, and hope for reciprocation. Don’t get mad or discouraged if it doesn’t show back at first, love requires us to grow patient and slow to anger, things I have yet to even come close to master, but I am praying every day for the strength to better myself in these areas specifically.
You can’t force someone to love you back, it only angers them or pushes them away more. You must wait and wait and wait sometimes, to get a favorable reaction. I realized that you can’t change someone either; it must come from within and of their own accord. My goal in life right now is to become the best person I can in life and love and learn to be what I know i can and need to be for the people that need me in their lives. If things don’t work out in the end, at least I will be able to walk away knowing I gave it my all and became better from it.
I had stored up so much frustration from work projects, family, people at work, and my love life that I hit my breaking point last night. I come back to writing out my thoughts, knowing that no one will read them here, but the thought that it might be read is encouraging. Currently I am a broken man, trying to pick up the pieces. I have reached the point where I can no longer try to do it on my own and have realized that while I have strayed so far from the church, I feel like I should leave it all in God’s hands and just focus on the self-improvement and if it’s in the cards for everything to work out; it will. If not, his plans for me are elsewhere.
I’ve been obsessed with the Rolling Stones song “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” lately, since re-watching Californication recently. It really says it best and has been my source of comfort as of late.
"You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometime, you just might find
You get what you need”
I don’t know if these words will fall on deaf ears, but if you took the time out of your day to stick it out and read through this. Thanks.
You invite people into your house, give them food, wine and drink, entertain them and they have the nerve to lie to your face about stealing from you. May God have mercy on my enemies; because I won’t. Weed has never been on my shit list for drugs. But it just shows that a penniless stoner washout has the same moral compass as a crack head. Fuck people.